SO....I said I would blog every sunday starting in the new year and wouldn't you know it things keep coming up...but its tuesday so thats close right? haha!
I have this feeling like I want to blog about things going on in my life that are really personal...Its what I do best...talking about myself HAHA! Without being disrespectful to anyone in my life I am going to try to tackle something today that is still fresh and maybe not ready to be talked about BUT I am going to anyway...
This is a tricky balance and I feel like today I might be offensive or hurt feelings but I decided that to be truthful in life, one has to walk a fine line of being honest while being sensitive to the feelings of others. SO I will try. Here is what I have been thinking.
1) sometimes women are mean to each other and we should stop. Myself included. I wouldn't call myself malicious but at times I partake in unhealthy behaviour because I am human and weak but I am learning.
2) Sometimes it takes a crappy thing to happen again and again and AGAIN before we really learn our lessons.
3) Very often in life there really isn't that true friend that is looking out for your best interests and when you find them you should hang on and hold them dear.
( worth noting, its has been proven many times over that my very own dear friend is Chad. I have another great friend who fills this space as well in other ways equally important to my "well being" and my " sense of self" they shall remain nameless because they are mine and they know who they are.
4) I live my own life. I live my own truth. I don't need your approval on my choices. I don't need your opinions to make me feel good or bad. I don't need you to be my friend for me to be happy. There are very few people in my world who matter so much and I think we would all do better to really focus on making the people that count happy and stop trying to be everything to everyone.
5) I would LIKE for you to be my friend but my happiness does not depend on you. If you fail me as a friend because of natural human flaws like we all have thats ok and I can either accept that for what it is, acknowledge your flaws as well as my own and carry on as friends or we don't. This acceptance of flaws does not make me someone to be walked over, talked about behind my back or lied to.
6) I am not naive enough to believe that people don't speak negatively about me wether they mean to be hurtful or not. Luckily a lot of sad life lessons in the last two years have helped me understand that at the end of the day guess what...it doesn't matter. I like me. I like a lot of things about me even you don't. I will always understand more than you think I do and I will always try my best to be a good person even if I fail in your eyes.
The last two years have been a lot of very big lesson. Its seems that I have been having a hard time learning some as there is a common thread to these situations I keep finding myself in. The positive side for me on this latest was that I was not embarrassed at all at how I conducted myself or what I said and did. I was honest and whatever happened after that was out of my hands.
These days all I want to do is surround myself with people who are looking for a common goal. Looking to be better. Looking to be happy and fulfilled and carry on in their life with a purpose. Too often we get caught up in negativity and gossip and bad talk and its SO unhealthy. I am trying to be better and I feel like I have made great strides and so I hope that the people that are in my life now really want to be here. I hope they are here to be a friend and be supportive and not to use me as material to talk about when I'm not around. I hope that we can have positive thoughts about each of us and our lives and families and I hope that when an issue arises we will be mature and confront them head on.
I learned a lot of great things about my two dear friends yesterday and it was a rough day. I feel we handled it as best as we knew how and we all showed up and did our best. I am hopeful that we can bury any bad feelings and move on because...life is short and why should we be so sad? so mad? so upset? over what? at the end of the day and the end of this life, over nothing. " People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did but people will never forget the way you made them feel"
I just want to feel happy. and satisfied. and today I do. I hope to everyday, and you can join me or not, thats up to you.
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